[ches]

The best lesson I learned about racism is this: You can't tell if someone is racist unless you're a member of the race they are prejudiced against.

My first job as a civil engineer was in Knysna in 1999. I was working on site in a small engineering office. I worked alongside Hennie, the office manager and chief engineer; Mildred, the receptionist/Hennie's secretary; Siyasanga, the draughtsman; Jessie, the cleaner; and Gilbert, the nearing-retirement technician.

The project I was working on was the formalisation of an informal settlement (well, three informal settlements: Witlokasie, Xolweni and Jood se Kamp, up on the hills overlooking the lagoon). On site, I worked alongside Francois, the surveyor/foreman, who always had Mfondisi at his side.

At all times, everyone was cordial and I would say we were all friends. Of course, "friendship" is a relative term.

It was the middle of December and Siyasanga and I were both moving back to Cape Town at the end of the month. I decided to have a farewell party for Siyasanga, at which I cooked dinner for the group in Siyasanga's flat.

Gilbert and Hennie were not invited because Hennie was the boss and Gilbert was too old. Mfondisi wasn't invited either, because he wasn't really part of the group. (Siyasanga and Mildred and Jessie didn't know Mfondisi at all.)

Francois declined the invitation. Eventually after much awkwardness on his part, he explained it to me like this:

Francois: "Picture it: you, me, Siya, Mildred and Jessie."
Ches: "Yes?"
Francois: "Two coloured people, a black person and you and me."
Ches: "Yes?"
Francois: "I wouldn't feel comfortable."
Ches: "Why on earth not?"
Francois: "I don't socialise with coloured people."
Ches: "But Siya and Mildred are your friends!"
Francois: "Only at work. You don't socialise with coloured people. It's how I was raised. I wouldn't feel comfortable."

The evening went ahead with Siya, Mildred, Jessie and me. Eventually, we got to talking about the people who weren't there. I was being questioned as to who I thought was a racist:

Is Francois a racist? -- Yes. They agreed.
Is Hennie a racist? -- No. They agreed.
Is Gilbert a racist? -- No. They disagreed.

I questioned them for quite some time as to why they thought Gilbert was a racist, and they couldn't give me a reason, but all three of them agreed that he was. Racism isn't given away by specific words or actions; it's given away in looks and body language. Gilbert was never anything but the picture of cordiality. He was the perfect gentleman. To a white person, Gilbert was not racist; but to those that he was prejudiced against, there was no doubt.

Francois was another kettle of fish. We all agreed that Francois was a racist, but he would've been quite welcome in the party. Here is why:

Francois was racist because he was conditioned to be racist. He'd grown up in Oudtshoorn and had led a fairly sheltered life for 23 years. Deep down, Francois was a good person. Whereas f Gilbert saw a black man drowning, he may walk past; Francois would've dived in and saved his life.

Francois was never to be seen on the site without Mfondisi at his side. Mfondisi rode up front in the bakkie and worked alongside Francois as an equal. While he undoubtedly did not earn equal pay, Francois and Mfondisi did equal work. They spoke about their lives outside work, they laughed and joked together, they had a good time. In all of his manner with Mfondisi, Francois treated him as an equal.

So why was Francois a racist? Why did we all agree? Because Francois would regurgitate the racial slurs that he'd been taught since he was a baby. Regularly, he'd call Mfondisi a "kaffertjie". Francois couldn't socialise with non-white people because it just felt wrong. He couldn't explain it, but he couldn't do it.

Francois is the kind of guy who in any other circumstance, would never be a racist. I hope that Francois made it out of his sheltered world and was able to become the person he could be. I hope he stopped cheating himself out of friends.