LAUGH STOP

[nathouse]

Hi Lisa!

You really are OK girl!

Keep on laughing Gazie!

[liza81]

A man was driving along when a hare suddenly ran into the road. He tried his best to avoid it, but sadly - the bunny was killed. The man was broken up with grief, and got out of his car to see if there was anything he could.
Just as he was about to burst into tears a blonde pulled over.
'Oh, don't worry' she said when she spotted the dead hare, 'I can fix that!'
She ran over to her car, got out a can of something and sprayed it all over the hare. Amazingly, the hare open its eyes, gave the a look and bounced away. After a few steps, it turned and waved. After a few more steps it turned and waved again.
'Miss, what was that, how did you do that, did the hare wave at us?' the man asked
'oh, read right here on the can, it say hair spray: restores life to dead hair. adds permanent wave

[liza81]

[liza81]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.

The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62."

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

[liza81]

A Texan wanted to go ice-fishing. He'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, he made for the body of frozen water.
After positioning his comfy foot-stool, he started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly ---from the sky--- a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the Texan moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Texan, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up his stool, and tried again to cut his hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
He stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you LORD?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Arena Manager!"

[liza81]

[liza81]

A blond suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
The blonde is angry and hurt, she opens her purse to take out the gun, but as she does so she is over-come with grief. Instead of shooting the boyfriend, she points the gun to her head.
The boyfriend yells "No honey, don't do it!!"
The blonde replies " shut up or you're next!"