NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

[liza81]

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your
failure to be able to select a suitable President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves in a fair manner (fair to the rest of us that is), we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony
Blair, MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that
there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
Rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same
twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
"interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.It
really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to
get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping
for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like
nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
by 2008.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is
a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecision
Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

[Prince-Africa]

You got it girl.One cannot even breath right without being told that "here in America this and here in America that."I think another thing they should take in consideration is to do things like everybody in the world does.I'm sick and tied everytime you buy something in store and it cost $10.00 but when you check out it's $10.75/$11.25. Another things is the one of cheap labor...You call the computer companies and your call is answered by someone in India(I have nothing at all with people from India but I hate the fact that they do excellent job for less pay(peanuts)from Americans).And do ya'll know that India is 11 hours ahead of the eastern time.

[liza81]

I've grown used to the tax not being included in the price it shows on the shelf, but yeah, that really bugged me too. I was so used to going to shops in RSA and counting out my money thinking "Hurrah! I have enough!". Here I'd do the same thing and then realise, no, I am actually $2 short because of tax.

[ches]

So you guys don't remember when we had 13% GST? Holy crap, it wasn't that long ago that we adopted the VAT, like in the early 90's!!!

[karmaflux]

DATE: 11/15/2000 (that's 15/11/2000 to you)
TO: United Kingdom
FROM: The United States of America
SUBJECT: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland,

We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!

However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.

To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the _original_ spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.

2. No US English? As you wish. There is only English; please stop spelling "color" with a u.

3. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.

4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels," "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty." We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot." But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.

5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.

6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.

7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps the French'll teach you how to cook.

8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.

9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies."

Thank you for your time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.

p.s. - regarding WW2: You're Welcome.

[Moonwalker]

Karmaflux
May I ask why you print these insults aimed at the British?
When the whole debate is focussed on the opinions of you, an American, and Liza a South African, what has Britain got to do with it? also neither of you live here

If this debate was instigated from a UK source,
I would accept your opinion, but unless I am blind,I cannot recall any post here from the UK, other than mine

All the British I know love visting the USA, including myself!

MW

[ches]

MW,

Seriously, dude. WTF?

Liza's post was regarding the revocation of independence of the US from the UK. It's a stupid old email forward from the 2000 elections that was rehashed for the 2004 elections. All kfx did was post the stupid old email forward retort.

None of those "opinions" are his own. It's a rehash of what someone thought was clever and distributed on the internet. People thought it was so funny four years ago that they distributed it all over again.

This is a joke forum. GET A FREAKING SENSE OF HUMOUR OR GIVE IT A MISS.