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  • #46
    The Mugabe/Tragedy joke was pretty funny lmao.
    ~Princess Elmo~

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    • #47
      And I’m sure we all know by now:
      Someone who speaks three languages is called “trilingual”.
      Someone who speaks two languages is called “bilingual”.
      Someone who speaks one language is called ……



























      “American”.

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      • #48
        Another true story:

        One sunny afternoon (during the Cold War) I was showing some visitors the sights of Berlin. We were just walking passed the Reichstag where there was a wooden platform that one could stand atop and peer over “The Wall” into East Berlin. Standing up there was an American couple. She looked over at the boulevard “Unter den Linden” and said to her male companion, “Oh! Is that where they keep the Nazis?” He replied, “Yep!”

        I had a very difficult time of it not to go over to them and tell her the truth. Naturally, she probably went home again and told all of her friends. I’m sure someone must have disagreed with her but she no doubt replied, “I ought to know! I was there!” Well, one can only speculate.

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        • #49
          hee-hee cinnamon!

          your American encounters were absolutely hilarious! I can only imagine!

          Van in Paris
          Van goes to the top house of ill repute in Paris.
          He goes up to the Madam and asks,.. "I want your best girl !!".
          The Madam then calls her top girl, and the two of them go upstairs.
          Two minutes later the girl comes down the stairs screaming,
          "Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
          The Madam is absolutely astounded, as that this has never
          happened before, but never the less she sends up her second best girl.
          Two minutes later the girl also comes down the stairs screaming,
          "Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
          The Madam is now intensely curious, since she has experienced
          everything and is totally unshockable, she then decides that SHE must
          go upstairs and service this client herself.
          Two minutes later the Madam also comes down the stairs
          screaming, "Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
          Some guys sitting at the bar and ask her what the hell was going on.

          She replies, " 'e vants to pay me in Rands !!!"

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          • #50
            why SA's a great country

            - You are likely to spend less time in prison for shooting the SABC
            license inspector, than for actually not having a TV license.

            - The police advise you not to stop if they wave you down in the middle
            of the night but rather speed past them and drive to your nearest police
            station.

            - People would rather be killed in their beds than live in some country
            where they would have to make their beds themselves.

            - Things don't get stolen, they get affirmatively acquired.

            - People are not embarrassed about watching Leon Schuster movies, "Win
            and Spin" or "Suburban Bliss".

            - The government has more opposition from themselves than from any
            opposition party.



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            • #51
              I love cats!

              "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

              "Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez

              "Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." - Unknown

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              • #52
                and in the spirit of poking fun at the americans:





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                • #53
                  Two brothers, both Scots, named Jock and Sandy, go into business together. At the end of the first year they try to balance their account books, but were $10.00 short. They tried again and again, but no matter which way they tried to do it, they always came out $10.00 short.
                  "Tell me the truth, Sandy," asked his brother, "Are you keeping a woman on the side?"

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                  • #54
                    As a sidenote, Dikkie Dik is a cat in the bedtime stories of Sesamestreet.


                    Dikkie Dik jat autoradio

                    Inderdaad kindertjes, kom er gezellig bij zitten. Kijk eens wat we hier hebben, het grote boek van Dikkie Dik. En vandaag ... is Dikkie Dik het beu! Hij loopt over straat en verveelt zich de tering. En kijk eens! Wat ziet ie daar? Een hele grote dikke BMW uit de 7-serie. Hij loopt er op af en hij kijkt door het raampje. En wat ziet ie? Een radio. Maar wat zit er in die radio? Een cd-speler! Die zou Dikkie Dik graag willen hebben zeg, zouden jullie niet zo'n cd-speler willen hebben? Nou, Dikkie Dik ook. Kijke wat ie doet...

                    Hij pakt een grote hamer en slaat dwars door de ruit heen ... en meteen begint het alarm van de auto te loeien. En hij begint te rukken en te trekken maar oepserdepoeps, wat komt daar aan gelopen? De ... politie. Maar ... maar gelukkig heeft Dikkie Dik net op tijd de radio te pakken ... en hij zet het 'm op een lopen. En hij gaat een heel klein steegje binnen. Maar floeps, ... hij heeft zichzelf in het nauw gedreven. En wat zal d'r gebeuren denken jullie? Kijke wat ie doet...

                    Hij pakt z'n Magnum 2.1 half-automatisch ... en schiet die agent dwars door z'n sodemieter. En wat is er met die agent denken jullie? ... Die is harstikke dood! En eindelijk kan Dikkie Dik met een gerust hart naar huis. Met de radio. ... En thuisgekomen gaat ie lekker languit op die grote sofa liggen en zet een hele gezellige dikke grote ... spuit heroine in z'n pootje. Nou dat was nou een spannend avontuur van Dikkie Dik. Zeg maar dag Dikkie Dik, tot de volgende keer.

                    Daaaaag!

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                    • #55
                      I am making Dikkie-dik an honourary South-African. He'll fit right it!!

                      Very funny cinnamon! so it is true what they say about the Dutch having a very twisted sense of homour!

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                      • #56
                        Ten reasons for being Dutch

                        1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.

                        2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.

                        3. a. You can legally kill yourself
                        b. You can legally be killed

                        4. You're exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.

                        5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital.....

                        6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.

                        7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country

                        8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.

                        9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your keys, blame the Germans.

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                        • #57
                          cinnamon, those were hilarious!!! Really laughed at 7

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                          • #58

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                            • #59
                              foxy old farmer

                              An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had dammed up a river in a remote corner of the farm. He fixed it up as a picnic spot with tables, braai facilities, putt-putt, tennis courts, etc. The dam itself was clear flowing and suitable for swimming. The farmer charged a small fee for picnickers to use this charming facility.

                              The farmer had not been to see his dam for a while so one evening he decided to take a walk to take a look. As he neared the dam he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee, and discovered a beautiful bunch of young ladies skinny dipping.

                              He tactfully made the women aware of his presence and they all swam to the middle of the dam. One of them cried indignantly, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

                              The old boer, not wanting to miss this chance of a lifetime,replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out my dam kaalgat. I only come to feed the crocodile."

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                              • #60
                                Liza, you should show people this picture when they ask you what South-Africans do for fun!

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