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  • Arwen
    replied
    Very funny Hot Box 91.


    Just some random information ...
    I was reading the other day that Mexico now has a greater percentage of obese people than the United States. They send their drugs north and the Americans send their fast food and cola south. Hard to decide which is worse.

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  • HotBox91
    replied

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  • SuzanneCapeTown
    replied
    A rather dim but nice workman was on this building site, and the boss decided to get him out of the way for a while, so he gave him some money and asked him to buy him a sandwich.
    ¨What shall I get?¨
    ¨Just get me a chicken mayo sandwich or a polony sandwich. No, actually, anything else will do¨
    The man comes back with a packet of 10 Peter Stuyvesant

    Leave a comment:


  • classdummy
    replied
    hahahaha! you guys have to check this blog out, its sooooooo funny, its all about people saying stupid stuff in class. "Remember that the best Irish writers are Irish..."

    Class Dummy

    Leave a comment:


  • CYRUS_INC
    replied
    A nice set of jokes, I should say even COOOL.

    A boy and a girl.
    G: What are you thinking of?
    B: Well, actually, of the same things that You do!
    G: Oh, what stupid thoughts You have...



    Answer me somebody... I'll be here in 2 days the same time I mean 21:00 - 7:00
    Hope to hear from you.
    See you

    Leave a comment:


  • Joovilhar
    replied
    While an old lady is polishing an antique lamp, a genie appears and gives her three wishes. She asks to be young, rich and for her cat to turn into a handsome prince.

    Her wishes granted, the prince takes the lady into his arms. As long-forgotten feelings stir, the prince whispers to her, "Now, I bet you're sorry you took me to the vet for that little operation."

    Leave a comment:


  • liza81
    replied
    Beware!

    You have just received the Amish virus. Since we have no electricity or computers, you are on the honor system.

    Please delete all of your files on your hard drive. Then forward this message to everyone in your address book.

    Thank thee.


    Welcome to the board, and thanks for reviving this thread. It's a good one!

    Leave a comment:


  • Joovilhar
    replied
    More funnies...

    On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students to point out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be off limits for all male students, and the male dormitory to female students. Anybody caught breaking these rules will be fined $40 the first time, $90 the second time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the third time will be fined a hefty $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, " How much for a season pass?"

    ----

    Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."

    The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

    The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

    Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

    "I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

    ----

    Beware!

    You have just received the Amish virus. Since we have no electricity or computers, you are on the honor system.

    Please delete all of your files on your hard drive. Then forward this message to everyone in your address book.

    Thank thee.

    ----

    The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

    As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

    Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

    The student received the only "A" given.

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  • Joovilhar
    replied
    Engineers...

    To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    ----

    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Here comes the greens keeper, lets have a word with him."

    "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

    The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

    ----

    An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    The engineer said, "I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend - but a talking frog, now that's cool."

    ----

    Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

    "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" one of the lawyers asks.

    "Watch and you'll see," one of the engineers replies.

    All six men board the train. The three lawyers sit together, but the three engineers cram themselves into a restroom and close the door behind them. A short time later, the conductor comes around to collect tickets.

    "Ticket, please," he says as he knocks on the restroom door. The door opens just a crack and an arm emerges with ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers, who observed the scene, all agree it was a clever idea.

    On their way home after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers to save money. When they get to the train station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

    "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" one of the lawyers asks.

    "Watch and you'll see," one of the engineers says.

    When they board the train, the three lawyers cram themselves into a restroom, while the three engineers cram into another restroom nearby. Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves their restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

    ----

    A man drifting in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. Reducing altitude, he spotted a guy on the ground and descended to shouting range. "Excuse me, sir," he shouted. "Can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him a half hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man below responded: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 25 feet above this field, between 49 and 52 degrees North Latitude, and 79 and 81 degrees West Longitude."

    "You must be an engineer," responded the balloonist.

    "I am," said the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," said the balloonist, "everything you've told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost."

    Whereupon the man on the ground responded, "You must be a manager."

    "That I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

    "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going. You've made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you're in the exact same position you were before we met, but now it's somehow my fault!"

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  • replied
    feminist jokes

    1. Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
    A. Shoot him again.

    2. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
    A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck & the noose.

    3. Q. Why do little boys whine?
    A. Because they're practicing to be men.

    4.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. One - he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve around him.
    OR. Three - one to screw in the bulb, two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

    5. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
    A. Trustworthy.

    6. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath & calling your name?
    A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

    7. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
    A.Because not one will stop and ask directions.

    8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
    A. To stop the snoring before it starts

    9. Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
    A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    10. Q: What is the difference between men and women...
    A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
    A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

    11. Q: How does a man keep his youth?
    A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

    12. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

    Leave a comment:


  • replied
    Gatiepie & Meraai
    Meraai loop straataf met ´n matras op haar kop.
    Gatiep: Wa gat djy met djou furniture?
    Meraai: Hierie is g´n furniture nie. Dis my workshop!
    Viagra
    Sonbrand wenk vir mans: Drink Viagra!
    Dit vat nie die pyn weg nie maar hou darem die lakens van jou bene af!

    Gatiep en Meraai
    Meraai loop in die straat met ´n baie stywe jean.
    Gatiep: "Meraai, is djy nie bang vi Fauna & Flora nie?"
    Meraai: "Never! Hoekom?"
    Gatiep: "Omdat djy daai arme parratjie so wurg!"

    Zim
    Die toestand in Zimbabwe verswak so erg dat hulle ystervarke verkoop vir scrap metal!

    Gorilla
    Hoekom het ´n gorilla groot neusgate?
    Want hulle het groot vingers.

    Hoes
    Op ´n plattelandse dorp waar die inwoners hoofsaaklilk Afrikaans magtig is en gedurende ´n wintermaand toe verkoue erg in die omloop was, was die predikant baie omgekrap dat sy aandag gedurende eredienste onderbreek word deur gemeentelede se hoesbuie.
    Hy bespreek toe die probleem om ´n oplossing te vind met sy koster wat Engelssprekend is. Die koster gaan koop toe ´n groot bottel hoesstroop by die apteek.
    Die volgende Sondag as iemand hoes, staan die koster op en gaan gee vir die persoon ´n lepel hoesstroop in en sê vir hom iets in sy oor waarna die persoon opstaan en uit loop. So hou dit aan en die kerk is later byna leeg.
    Na die diens vra die dominee vir die koster wat hy dan vir die mense gesê het dat hy later vir ´n byna leë kerk moes preek.
    Die koster sê hy het net vir hulle gesê, "For cough".

    Michael Jackson
    Ai,
    met al sy probleme het Michael Jackson nou boonop voedselvergiftiging opgedoen.
    Hy het ´n vyf jaar oue worsie geëet.

    Laatlam
    Vraag: Wat is ´n laatlam?
    Antwoord: Uit de oude doos.

    Tarzan
    Tarzan verloor per ongeluk sy piesang in ´n takswaai-ongeluk. Jane is nie links nie en werk sommer vir Tarzan ´n plaasvervanger aan in die vorm van ´n olifant se slurp. Dis nie twee dae nie toe vat Tarzan sy mes en sny die gedoente af.
    "Waarvoor doen jy dit?", vra Jane.
    "Ek kon die gedoente nie meer vat nie!", sê Tarzan, "Oral waar ek stap pluk hy ´n blaartjie hier, en hy pluk ´n blaartjie daar en dan druk hy dit in my GAT!"

    Blond
    ´n Buikspreker tree eendag in ´n stadsaal op en vertel net blonde grappies. Ewe skielik spring daar ´n blonde op en kak die man behoorlik van ´n kant af uit, want sê sy dit is as gevolg van sulke siek grappe dat mense neerkyk op blondes en hulle as dom en onnosel uitkryt. Die man voel toe vreeslik sleg en toe hy begin om vir die blonde te sê hoe jammer hy is val sy hom in die rede en gil : "Hou jou bek man, ek praat nie met jou nie, maar met daai kortgat op jou skoot!"

    Vlooi
    ´n Vlooi hardloop by ´n kroeg in, slaan 5 dubbel whisky's weg, hardloop uit, spring in die lug, moer op sy bek neer, staan op en skree: O Fok! My hond is gesteel!!

    Koei
    Wat maak "Oooooo"?
    ´n Koei sonder lippe.

    Swaai
    Die man en vrou lê in die bed toe ´n dronkie laatnag aan die deur klop.
    Dronkie: "Ag, kan meneer my asseblief kom shtoot?"
    Man: "Nee jammer, dit is laat in die nag en ek en my vrou slaap reeds lankal."
    Terug in die bed herinner sy vrou hom daaraan dat hulle onlangs ook laat in die nag gaan staan het en by iemand moes aanklop vir hulp. Die man spring op en hardloop na buite.
    Man: "Meneer is jy nog hier?!"
    Dronkie: "Dja! Hie oppi swaai."

    Mot
    ´n Man loop in by ´n tandarts en sê, "Kan jy my help asseblief? Ek dink ek is ´n mot?" "Jy het nie ´n tandarts nodig nie.", sê die tandarts, "Jy het ´n sielkundige nodig." "Ek weet!" sê die man. "Nou hoekom het jy hier ingestap?" vra die tandarts. "Die lig was aan!", sê die man.

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  • replied
    Tydens 'n laerskoolrugbywedstryd roep die afrigter een van sy spelertjies nader. "Verstaan jy wat samewerking is? Wat spanwerk is?" Die sewejarige seuntjie knik instemmend.

    "Verstaan jy dat wat saak maak, is dat ons as 'n span saamspeel, wen of verloor?" Die seuntjie knik weer.

    "Dan verstaan jy ook dat wanneer 'n strafskop aan die ander span toegeken word, jy nie moet stry, vloek, of die skeidsregter aanval nie. Verstaan jy dit alles?" Weer knik die seuntjie sy kop instemmend.

    "En wanneer ek jou van die veld afhaal om 'n ander seuntjie 'n kans te gee om te speel is dit nie goeie sportmanskap om jou afrigter 'n dom p*&phol te noem nie, of hoe?" Die seuntjie knik.

    "Goed," sê die afrigter. "Gaan nou pawiljoen toe en verduidelik dit vir jou ma."

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  • replied
    The little boy wants to know from his father what an engagement is.

    "Well son, it's allmost like this. I buy you a bicycle for Christmas. Then roundabout October I give the bicycle to you and tells you that you are only allowed to play with bell untill Christmas."

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  • replied
    Peter is sitting in the bar and had been drinking for a couple of hours when he told the barman that his girlfriend is sitting in the car all the time.

    The barmen, wary of the cold went outside to see if the lady is OK. Once outside he notice that Johnny is in the car with Peter's girl and that the two of them are kissing.

    He walks back into the bar and told Peter that he should go outside to see if his girlfriend is still OK. Peter gets up and stumble out. No sooner he stumbles back in, laughing.

    When the barman asks him why he's laughing he giggles and say: "You know that Johnny? Well he's so drunk he thinks he's me."

    Leave a comment:


  • replied
    Re: Beware of your finger

    Originally posted by konsalik
    A guy is sitting outside a clinic on a bench and he is crying his heart out when another guy walks up to him and ask him what is wrong.

    "I came here for a blood test and they cut my finger off!" the first guy reply.

    The next moment the second guy starts to cry even more and when the first guy asks him why he is crying he responds: "I am here for a urine test!!"
    tee hee, good one!

    Leave a comment:

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